Yeah, I had those days

scissortail flycatcher in evening windA rough week. Looking back, I think the rub of the week was the pain in my hip, or more precisely, the thought that maybe this hip pain ain’t getting any better. Maybe this is it, the price for my sedentary lifestyle.

So at the top of the week I started thinking maybe I’ll never really hike again, or walk long distances without stopping and stretching and squatting along the way. No long runs in the woods, without needing to sit for a bit, let the pain subside. No climbing trees that are deep in the parks. No rock scrambling. I thought, what if I must accept this hip pain as a fact of life that won’t heal? Can I? Would I fight against it? Hike anyway! Or would I choose more sedentary plans, giving up on so much that I love? Movements and actions that really inform and fill my life with joy and wonder?

What, am I only taking photographs from a certain perimeter around my car? Hell no! I don’t see that happening.

Amongst these thoughts and dreams of different possibilities, I realized that even if I accepted the pain as here forever, and somehow that altered my outdoor life and plans, regardless of the new endeavors, I’d continue to eat the way that I do now. That was a big realization.

I like eating fruits, vegetables and seafood. And occasionally roasted chicken. Nothing is forbidden. I’m open. When there is cheese on something, I usually don’t worry about it when I’m eating with others. I rarely eat cheese, so it seems like no big deal. I don’t particularly like it now. I use to, but since I switched, it’s not my thing. I’d prefer it be left off. Simply, my relationship with food has changed. Now when I eat I don’t feel bloated or heavy. Eating isn’t about overindulgence at all. It’s about fuel. When I eat I feel energized. Most times, I feel like walking, or moving around once I’m done. Before I felt like finding the nearest couch when a meal was over.

I loved to joke about restaurants needing rooms off the dining area with couches for after dinner. Setup like a small furniture store, with different groups of lazyboys and sofa sets around TV screens, with dinner guests draped across them after supersized meals.

Save that for feasts and bacchanals. Today I prefer what I prefer. It’s no big deal. I don’t eat like a consumer. Like the norm. I don’t trust processed and fast foods.  They are not for me. It’s not forbidden, it’s just not the best. What I want. What I need. hunting treasure

I am more mindful of what I eat. The life behind it. I feel more connected with everything eating this way. I love this. The food is so simple. Almond butter and blackberries. Wow. Green smoothies. Tomatoes with salt & pepper. Mix of peppers, squash and onions and cabbage cooked in coconut oil. Shrimp, red snapper, roasted chicken.

I stopped praying at meals when I was a kid, but somewhere along the lines, over the last four months I’ve started again. 

These days, I am just more myself, as ridiculous as that sounds. This just feels right. Like home. It’s better for me. I think, somehow, I know this is how I was supposed to be eating all along.

As far as my hip, there is always the doctor. I don’t put much hope there. I’ve seen the doctor many times over the years concerning my back, which ultimately turned out to have a hip component. My back feels great, actually. Since I started stretching and moving around and doing some restorative exercises over the last four months, no prob. The fact that it feels better is how I isolated the pain in my hip. It was all a big mash of pain before. Then, also throw in the pain and infection in my mouth, pre-surgery, I was a mess. The doctor saw the first step of curing the mess was losing the weight. She always said, I could order another MRI, but what you need to do is lose weight and exercise. Even when I went in last October for the groin pain, which should have been the tip off for the hip by the way, she had the same advice.

Now, I’ve dealt with so many issues, lost alot of weight (more to go) and I’m mostly better on almost every front, except the hip. The other hip has even had some issues lately, but not like the other. I’ve lost alot of weight in a short time. My gait has changed. Where my legs come together is different. I’ve also been re-aligning my body, as part of the restorative exercises. I might even be guilty of bullying my body a bit. I’ve backed off. I’m not being as aggressive with the pain. Now, I back off before it hurts. I try not to get to the pain. It’s frustrating because I want to go, go, go. But, I think that is best right now. Given all that, I don’t think the new hip pain on the other side is a big deal. Expected even. It’s different anyway.

I must say, here at the end of the week, things are better with my hip. Some. My son helped me realize that. He reminded me how hobbled I was. Where we’ve walked recently, and how a year ago, we would’ve drove. Things are better.

Since I only recently diagnosed the hip as the problem, and found the correct exercises to rehabilitate it, that’s only been a couple of weeks. Three maybe. I was being impatient. Some recent work I’ve done with a yoga strap, stretching my hamstrings has been a shock with how good it felt and helped, and how far I’ve come with it, with no forcing. Like the muscle wanted a little stretch, and then a little more, then a little more.

hero shroom

Yes, it was a rough week, but I feel okay about it. I have hope for my hip, and the future. I had some down moments, but they were only moments, or days, or whatever. I think the meditation helped. Almond butter and blackberries helped. My son and friends and family helped. Outdoors, the wind, the sky, the sunset, the sunrise, all these things helped. The books I read, the sites I visit. Home helped. Writing this blog helps.

My spirit was dampened, but looking back, not by much. I wasn’t at full power, but it’s not like in the isolated and sedentary days. Never again.

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